This life is for the living

It is a possibility that I am incapable of writing my ENG369 final paper for Ingrasci because I need to first express my feelings about my great aunt's death this weekend. I was ready and more than willing to go to the funeral. There are some things in life more pressing than school. I would have been able to find a sub to cover my Tuesday writing center shift, probably would have been able to get at least decent notes from the nerdy guy that sits next to me in physics, would have not even bothered for notes in philosophy of comedy, and called Ingrasci to say I emailed my final paper but won't be able to make the night class. But I didn't. My parents and grandma didn't want me to worry about coming down for the funeral. But I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how I'll say goodbye.

How do you say goodbye to a woman you only see three times a year? How do you say goodbye when there's no funeral you can attend? Where's the closure? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. I just know I'm being practical instead of my usual, emotionally directed course of action.

Most importantly, I don't want to regret this. I know I'd just be a mess driving down and back and during the funeral, which probably would not be of any help to my grandpa. But that's just what I'm like, I really can't help it.

But instead I'll just shuffle through tomorrow to come home around ten and write another crappy paper that I'm not interested in and hopefully pick up cheap wine or whiskey this time.

This life is for the living. It's sad when someone dies and I realize I'm freaking out way too much about papers and homework for teachers, "that help my education", but that ultimately mean nothing in comparison. I'm all too ready for college to be over...as long as I don't transfer my stress levels over to a job.

So here I sit, just turned on Kevin Smith's sophomore album with my song about pancakes, barely crying anymore, just wanting to have to wake up to nothing tomorrow, but if anything, a three hour car ride with my family to Decatur for a last goodbye.