Anything to avoid studying for the GRE

Sitting outside on my back porch I found myself not wanting to study for the GRE, sort of in the same way that I've avoided it this whole summer. Well, sitting out with my massive study book, Master Cleanse lemonade, and water I am almost immediately interrupted by some power tool on the third floor balcony. Great, lovely, just what I need to stay focused. I tried to ignore the beast seeing as it was only sporadically in use. Then, the boyfriend of the upstairs neighbor comes home and apparently they've grown apart. I overheard their talk, the perpetual every-two-month-talk about how 'things' need to be adjusted just so they can be 'happy' for another two months. It actually reminded me of the everyday troubles of being in a relationship, especially one which ended in the midst of quite a few talks.

No form of aggression reared it's head, at least not that I stuck around for. However, in the middle of attempting to keep studying I heard a fly buzz (I didn't die right then, don't worry)--oh man, I'm definitely a nerd. Back to the fly, it buzzed, a couple times before I attempted to find it's location. Oh no! Right beside me there's a fly, wait it's stuck in a spiders web. This wasn't even a large spider either; she was one of those baby spiders, the size of three ink blots from a fine point sharpie. The fly's wings were caught in the web and I saw the spider make four or five trips from the center of her web to the fly, all the while, the fly was trying desperately to get away. Charlotte nabbed the fly eventually and I left to go inside.

I was in a minimal category of shock watching what was going on while simultaneously hearing my upstairs neighbor tell her boyfriend another do-over isn't going to fix anything in the long run. Maybe the shock was induced by the thought of me actually sitting to watch a tiny spider capture a fly six times its size; but nonetheless, I was stunned to hear the one while watching the other natural occurrence. Both natural happenings you suppose? Well, what do you know...I guess so.

I attempted to write about what happened with Matt a few days after he left me but I didn't get very far. I knew exactly what had happened but I wanted to really suffer over it, not intentionally, but I really felt like I needed to mourn. And I did. I mourned for a good solid month, probably a little more. Goodness, last week was really hard for some reason.

But today is the day past the two month mark and I feel pretty damn good. Why you ask? Because I have a solid support system in Chicago, yes. Because I have kept myself busybusy, yes. And because I met a guy that told me I'm beautiful, well that helps too, so yes.

Here's my penny's worth on mindsets. Like I mentioned, I wanted to be upset about the break-up, even though I really knew it was meant to be (though not at that time nor initiated by him). So I was hopelessly pathetic the previous weeks, crying randomly, moping around, the usual. But the day that Christine introduces me, backtrack...she didn't even introduce me....the day this guy named James asks who I might be, I all of a sudden couldn't tell you the name of the guy who dumped me, on the phone, while I was on DePaul's quad, the night before I had a paper and a presentation due the next day. Mark?Pat?Matt? it's not necessary. Anyway, all it took was a quick "what a babe" and even though I'm not expecting anything, not even a phone call right now, I'm out of the hole.

Let's hope it lasts. I do believe it will though. I have a lot coming towards me this next year. With that being said, I need to force more analogy scenarios in my brain.